who will break

and who will bend

Sleep well, maestro

[Ennio Morricone – The Trio]

bowels to water

104 years ago today in 1916, Captain Charles May writes a letter to his wife Bessie two weeks before being sent to his death on July 1st in the Battle of the Somme.

“I must not allow myself to dwell on the personal – there is no room for it here. Also it is demoralising. But I do not want to die. Not that I mind for myself. If it be that I am to go, I am ready. But the thought that I may never see you or our darling baby again turns my bowels to water. I cannot think of it with even the semblance of equanimity.

My one consolation is the happiness that has been ours. Also my conscience is clear that I have always tried to make life a joy for you. I know at least that if I go you will not want. This is something. But it is the thought that we may be cut off from one another which is so terrible and that our babe may grow up without my knowing her and without her knowing me. It is difficult to face. And I know your life without me would be a dull blank. You must never let it become wholly so. For to you will be left the greatest charge in all the world; the upbringing of our baby.

God bless that child, she is the hope of life to me. My darling, au revoir. It may well be that you will only have to read these lines as ones of passing interest. On the other hand, they may well be my last message to you. If they are, know through all your life that I loved you and baby with all my heart and soul, that you two sweet things were just all the world to me. I pray God I may do my duty, for I know, whatever that may entail, you would not have it otherwise.”

The Three stood calm and silent

„Przez lata słysząc te same odpowiedzi na moje pytania o ulubione książki, zacząłem pytać studentów, kogo stawiają sobie za bohaterów. I tutaj reakcją jest zazwyczaj milczenie. Dlaczego ktokolwiek miałby mieć bohaterów? Każdy powinien być sobą, a nie przykrawać się do cudzego szablonu. Wspiera ich w tym przekonaniu ideologia samoafirmacji: zerwanie z kultem bohaterów jest oznaką dojrzałości. Ustanawiają dla siebie własne wartości (…). Pobrzmiewająca w nas pogarda dla heroizmu to tylko jedna z wersji błędnie pojmowanej zasady demokratyzmu, która odmawia ludziom wielkości i postuluje, aby każdy czuł się dobrze we własnej skórze, nie musząc cierpieć niepochlebnych dla siebie porównań (…). Można czuć tylko litość wobec młodych ludzi, którzy nie mają kogo podziwiać i naśladować, których pragnienie wielkiego męstwa jest sztucznie gaszone”.

Allan Bloom

The essence of jiu

„Ten spokój mnie przeraża.”

Greatest defiance

In the utterly meaningless universe, acting as if things have ultimate meaning, is in itself an act of greatest defiance.

To the bitter end

I told you once, I told you a thousand times, no regrets, no remorse
Do I regret? Not a single moment
Will I ever repent? Will I ever repent?

Years have passed between us, some would say that they have not been kind
Yet these are the scars of war, and we remain yet we stand bloodied yet unbowed

So here’s to comrades near and far
Who’ve raised a glass, raised hell
Years have passed, closer to the grave
But this is the song we chose to sing
To the bitter end, to the end, to the bitter end

you barking at my tree

So here we are again young templar, you barking at my tree. You seem to be confused about a lot, so let me tell you about the psychology of so-called modern man.

The root of a tragedy called modern-man existence is an effect of decades of secularization – modern-man got himself to believe that „evil” is strictly a religious category and thus it doesn’t exist within the semantic horizon of new, enlightened era. Give yourself a moment to realize what profound effect does such turn have.

There is no evil – there are just misunderstandings. If you go to the very bottom of The Other psyche, you will find out that we are all fundamentally the same – and a road to that progressive enlightenment is in a pseudo-buddist way to let go of all that bias that holds us back. So here you see already what is the price for modern gówno-intellectual – the more they can „let go” of things that they suppose to cherish, like tradition, history, religion, sense of belonging and pride, the more they see themselves as those who „break the barriers”. Because you see, modern-man might believe evil does not exist, but if there is anything that is as close to it, it would be what resembles Meaningful Narrative. What they hate the most is Meaning. Meaning transforms you. It drives you. And, which is the worst, it might also drive you to defend it or fight for it. And weren’t all greatest humanitarian catastrophes of a history done by people who were blindly driven by their sense of what is right and meaningful to pursue? Understand young templar – to them, you are a potential extremist every time you have a firm belief in something, every time you cherish one thing over the other.

And here’s how you can see why what seems to be an absolute peak of modern-man philosophy is to say „there is no black and white, only shades of gray”, „truth is always somewhere in the middle” etc. Ever wondered why centuries of philosophers worked tirelessly trying to formulate something what can accurately describe the reality of our existence, but recent ages seem to be only interested in deconstructing all the past attempts and perceive it as the highest and most noble achievement? And did you ever wonder why every most tiny attempt of greatness and GRAVITAS are immediately shunned upon and ridiculed?

I will tell you, young templar. Modern-man doesn’t really give a flying fuck about what I wrote above. It is just post-factum rationalization he tells himself to the mirror everyday. What modern-man sense the most is something he cannot admit – its his own inadequacy. He reads of the noble and heroic deeds of our ancestors and he knows, deep inside he knows, that if the weight of a history came onto him as it did onto them, he would have never been able to remain unbowed as they did. He knows his profound weakness and each time he sees those who were proven to be thoroughbred, he NEEDS to ridicule them as fables to minimize his own discomfort. For the greatest conclusion of evil not being there is a fact that there is nothing to really FIGHT for or against. There are no sides to take, since there is nothing that is right or wrong anymore. And this is precisely what weak being strives for. Do not mistake this for peace, for it is not noble strive for peace if you are profoundly unable to fight – it is a loathed necessity.

So remember young templar, next time you see a modern-man speak; watch him closely. Watch him closely and you will see his gówno-spirituality for what it is – a mask for his fundamental existential impotence.

a bizzare little person

[TempleOS Hymn Risen Piano Cover – In Honor Of Terry Davis – By David Eddy]

Maybe I’m just, like, a bizzare little person who walks back and forth

I rarely speak young templar

I rarely speak young templar, but you forced my hand. I will thus formulate what has to be said – for your own consideration.

1. human being, as any other biological entity, is a part of the same „natural proccess” you idolize so much; therefore, why is it that you struggle to accept that million years of evolution definitely pushed us into being carnivores? Are you aware that we posses a hormone which gets activated once we digest meat and which is correlated to oxcytocin and other „happy&bonding hormones” – all to tell our primordial ancestors that THIS GROUP HERE ALLOWS YOU TO DIGEST MEAT, ITS GOOD TO STICK AROUND? You never allow for any tinkering around „natural ways of living” beavers, wolfs and deers have. Why OUR „natural ways of living”, which always involved meat-eating, is an only exception that can be violated and negated?

2. even if we all turn vegeterian today, what do you think will happen to the populations of the species we farm for food currently? Will they decrease or increase? Will there be more chickens around if we just release them all to the forests and jungles? I can guarantee you that would be yet another hecatomb and most likely, a total extinction in the end. Why is it hard to imagine that certain spieces may co-exist in many different ways? Just like a primordial wolf decided to cooperate with humans for offering us his sense of smell in exchange for offspring protection (at a risk of dying in every single hunting endeavour it supported humans with), why can’t we imagine that poultry offers us itself as a food source, but in exchange it gets a secure, and evergrowing population of its own population/genome? And just like a wolf didn’t „consciously” made such a bargain, poultry do not engage it „rationally”, but that is just how nature and its evolutionary proccesses you adore so much work. Imagine how many species went extinct PRECISELY because there was noone to have interest and use for it; and if only there was a rational being to employ FARMING, those precious lost lifeforms you mourn now would be there today in plenty of numbers and you could cry all day how much they suffer in our sheds instead.

3. industrial farming does look horrible indeed, but have you ever thought that it is solely because the death that occurs there is grouped together at one time and in one place? Don’t you think that if you took all the perfectly „natural” deaths in your beloved „natural state” and f.e. put 1000 lions with 1000 zebras in one place at one time, you’d witness even more horrific orgy of bloodshed? One that actually involves sometimes hour-long desperate struggle for survival, fear, terror, and in the end being slowly devoured while you are still alive? What if we are actually MUCH more ethical death-dealer here – we collect our geese and in one second one giant vertical guillotine chops all their heads off and its over. What if our „industralization” is in fact much preffered death?

I am poking at you young templar, because you fell into the trap which I identify as a certain naivete when it comes to understanding „nature”. You love your „nature” but only within parameters you strictly set up to be perfectly fail-safe for you – you want to have a nice hike in the clean mountainside, pretty meadow with pretty rabits and a nice clean lake to stroll around. But at the end of the day, you ALWAYS take your ass back to the shelter of your walls, which prohibit all kinds of predators to ever get near you and endanger you; walls, that shield you from merciless cold and wind and rain; you flick on electricity to warm yourself and dry yourself and open a fridge which is filled with food you don’t even know how got produced, because you no longer have to.

In other words, you are NOT REALLY in love with nature. You are in love with a sandbox, carefully curated and controlled piece of it; an idealized view that tickles your infantile sense of aestethics, in which you are always perfectly safe. And from which safety you can climb high on the ladder of your moral posturing and self-indignation.

If you want your arguments to be taken seriously – go out there to the deep forests with a knife and a tent (I will grant you that) and come back to us after 6 months. Then I would take your „love of nature” seriously, for only then you’d at least have a BIT of exposure to the reality of it (which still would be NOTHING compared to what our ancestors have to suffer from for millennia). And this is why you believe humans are not really a part of a „nature”, and they are always framed as some sort of „abomination” that invaded peaceful and harmonous world of „natural proccess”. You can only believe so because you have NO understanding of what nature really is.

Because mother nature you idolize so much is really a cunt – a sadist, which created a giant gladiator field upon which for million years million different lifeforms constantly were being eaten alive and developing better tools to be even more efficient at tearing flesh, crushing bones and sucking down the marrow. Wherever we put our feet, we stomp on a graveyards of unimaginable amounts of lifeforms that we do not even know ever existed. And your beautiful nature doesn’t give a single fuck; for every 1 adult sea turtle 100 have to be torn apart alive by seagulls on a beach and its OKAY THAT WAY. But if I went there and crushed all of them myself with the soles of my boots, I’d be called a psychopath and a monster. Why is that? Oh, that’s because she is a „pure harmonous force of nature” and I am just some sort of „abberation”, a „cancerous growth” that just suck the poor mama dry, right?

What if I told you that your moral posturing doesn’t really have anything to do with your supposed high empathy (and oh how much you like to tell yourself that), but it is instead your futile attempt to regain some sort of substitute of a „meaningful relationship” you never managed to secure with the actual real human being? What if I told you that your „love for animals” is really a love for their passivity, for them being perfectly fail-safe, for not needing to understand their emotions or feelings, for a security they give in the constancy of their behaviour, for a fact that they are unable to betray, for a fact that they do not demand and challenge you to grow emotionally and to face hardest truths of life?

What if I told you young templar that what you love the most is actually that convenience itself? You can get all the good vibes and pats on a back for how empathic you are without any work, any hardship, any growing, any stress, without facing heads on any tragedies of so complex human existence and fate? What if I told you that there are countless of matters that you could work on improving – in relations with people that will soon leave you (by the design of your beloved mother nature of course), but you’d rather be sheltered by all the discomfort it takes to navigate complexities of a human tragedy and you opt out to rather passionately defend boars and ducks instead? Isn’t that really pathetic?

But lest I forgot – humans are evil cancerous growth that should better be gone, so there is nothing really to investigate, right?

That’d be all. Go hug a tree now if there is need for consolation.